The French are known for Brie, the Dutch for their Gouda, the Greek for their Feta and the Italians for their Parmigianno-Reggiano. Of course, this is a scant sampling of the fine global selection of cheeses available. The names alone practically taste good! You could even sing them in a song that would sound yummy.

Gou-da, Fe-ta, Par-mi-gian-no. Don't forget the Brie and the Romano.

Contrast that with one of our culinary claims to fame. American Processed Cheese Product. Ah, where to even begin?

The name itself sounds foul. Processed. I feel yucky just saying it. I envision middle-aged women with white lab coats and hairnets pushing buttons that send copious amounts of milk and Orange #978 into vats, whilst longing for their next Marlboro Light Menthol 100. It would be the kind of job that Laverne and Shirley would have taken after leaving Shotz Brewery.

And who better than us could make food less environmentally friendly? Let's wrap each individual slice in plastic. Or better yet is cousin EasyCheese packed in its aerosol can. But, since EasyCheese doesn't require refrigeration that must neutralize it's carbon footprint. Right?

All of this reminds me of the epicurean pinnacle that I once witnessed in Central Square. A group of people were sitting on a bench squirting EasyCheese onto CheezIts. What? No Bac-Os !