Election,  Parenting,  Politics,  Relationships,  Self-Care,  Social Media

Tuck Frump

In my last post, I talked about coming out twenty-five years ago and the progress that the LGBT community has seen this last quarter-century. In reflecting on how many of these changes made it easier for the younger generation to live their authentic lives, I also thought about the generations that preceded me. Those who had no real choice but to hide and be silent. 

Those who know me, whether it be those closest to me, or people with whom I have stayed connected with through social media, know that I am a vocal person. I like to say that I am like cilantro. People love me or hate me. I can have a certain edginess to how I approach topics. I’m sometimes angry. I’m sure that this befuddles some while just upsets others. As we have navigated these last four plus years, and I watch all that is happening around us, it does’t just feel like we are getting thrown back in time, we have gone back in time. And it’s not great at all. So for those of you who support the current president yet don’t like my tone or find me disrespectful, hear me now. I. Don’t. Care. But let me tell you why…

You don’t get to vote for someone to be leader of this country who can say things like “Grab them by the pussy” and then feign shock when I say something that you find off-color. You don’t get to vote for the leader of the free world who makes fun of those with disabilities and then find my words or actions about anything unsettling. You don’t get to sit in church on Sunday and pretend to be a good person if you vote for someone who ridicules and makes fun of everyone who disagrees with him.  You don’t get to parade around without wearing a mask while over 220,000 Americans have died under the sheer mismanagement of your president and then feel “better’ about yourselves when he blames China or makes up some other inane excuse.

You can’t vote for this man and also say that you support LGBT people.  You just can’t. This administration is actively trying to erode the progress made by the LGBT community these last several decades. I am vocal because this is not only my life, it is the life of my husband and our daughters. It is the messages that our children hear and how they view themselves and their family.

It also impacts many friends of mine. All of us just trying to live our lives and raise families. If you’re straight and married to someone of the opposite gender, nobody is arguing about whether you should be allowed to be married to your spouse. Nobody is demonizing you or saying that your marriage somehow sullies other marriages. Straight people can have two, three, four shots at “until death do us part” and nobody even bats an eye. Yet, a good percentage of this country doesn’t think I deserve to be married at all. And how comical that the person that they elected to office has been married three times and his current wife was his mistress while he was married to his second wife. So do you know what else you don’t get to do? You don’t get to talk to me about family values and claim that it’s what the Bible says while supporting this man.

Anyone who supports this man does so from one or more of these standpoints: homophobia, xenophobia, greed, misogyny, or bigotry of some sort. There are those of you who are proud to hold one or more of these values. In a way, I thank you for that because you are visible to me. I see you and I understand who you are. Then there are those of you who secretly support this man. Why the secrecy? Why are you embarrassed? That’s something for you to think about as you prepare to fill in that oval on or before November 3. 

When you hear me get vocal about the constant damage that this administration has done and continues to do to this country, and particularly minority groups, this is why. My family’s life can change. My family is constantly being made to feel “second best” EVERY TIME marriage or parenting comes up in political discussions. Every time. Imagine your marriage and parenting being considered not as valid or not worthy. 

One may think that it is trivial to think about what is going on governmentally since how the government impacts us is not often in the forefront of one’s mind. But that is a luxury afforded to the majority. For those of us who are not, we have to continue to fight for our seat at the table. This can be exhausting. 

The sheer hypocrisy of the Republican Party allowing a Supreme Court Justice to be confirmed days before an election when the same party dug their heels in and would not allow President Obama was not allowed to appoint a justice months before leaving office. We see you. 

This is no longer an issue of red vs. blue, Democrat vs Republican. We are not in the days of yore when the parties had different values but those values did not promote hatred. As much as I have disagreed with republican presidents in the past, never have I been so ashamed by the person “leading” this country now. An individual who incites white supremacy groups yet his supporters either deny what he said or stay silent. You can’t feign being surprised when we call you bigots after you do so. Wear your shame or call him out. Those are your choices.

I could go on about so many topics right now. I am hardly scratching the surface of all that I find offensive about him and his administration. But it’s not worth it. I know that I am not going to change anyone’s mind right now. Because to be honest, the same way nobody could get me to vote for that man, I don’t expect to change your mind. But I will tell you one thing, if you support him, I am embarrassed for you and I am embarrassed of you. 

At-home dad, husband, gay man, marathon runner, sarcastic to the core, off-center


  • Jeanne Marie Seaquist

    You’ve said it all, Joe. I cannot understand those who think the man is wonderful and has done so much for us as a country and its citizens. Four more years of Trump in charge would finish off this country as a world-leading nation, one to be respected and proud of. I fear for all of us; LGBTQs, all people of color, immigrants etc. I am reluctant to write more as the slow burn in my stomach is telling me not to. You’ve said a lot and I pray that Trumpians are opening their eyes to what this man is. I recently read a book depicting the lives of 3 women who lived in Germany through the rise of Hitler. I kept quoting from the book to hubby sections describing Hitler and his rise which could have been written about Trump. How similar are his beliefs, his lies to our people, and how his people follow him despite the lies. Enough said…..thanks Joe!

    • CattyDaddy

      It’s shocking. And sadly, it has made me see that this really is America. Like it or not, when it’s this close, this is who we (collectively) are as a nation. It’s sad.

  • Rob

    Nice job! I’ve said it before but you’re such a great writer. Who could possibly hate you? You’re the best !

  • Pam (Accolla) DiSisto

    Joe, I’m speechless and so incredibly saddened. I have a motto in life that I have instilled in my kids since they were very little. “Go through life as if you were blind. Judge people with your heart and not your eyes.” I have ZERO tolerance for prejudice. Just as straight people don’t choose to be straight, I also believe gay people don’t choose to be gay. It is who you are and who you are is a beautiful person with a beautiful heart and soul. Love is Love and the love between you, your husband and daughters could put many straight parent families to shame. White people don’t choose to be white and blacks don’t choose to be black etc… I am embarrassed to live in a world that can still treat people unjust because of what someone else wants them to be. It is ridiculous to feel like we should all conform to what the shallow people of the world expect from others so that they can live in what they would consider to be an utopian society. My heart hurts for you and your family and all the other people in this world that are treated with prejudice. We are not a white race or a black race, or any other color race… WE ARE THE HUMAN RACE and all deserve to be treated as equals. We all have hearts that feel and blood that bleeds red. This country is in dire need of a leader that will unite and not divide, accept and not reject, and most of all, lead this country to place where we can keep progressing until prejudice will forever be a thing of the past. Love you and will continue to keep you and your family in my prayers for better days to come. You deserve nothing less.

    • CattyDaddy

      Thank you, Pam. ❤️ I hope we are not sliding back to a time when things were less equitable. Time will tell. I appreciate your support. xo

  • Christine Prendergast

    Well said, Joe. I share every feeling and thought you share here. I will continue to stand beside you in the fight for equal rights. My family and yours deserve nothing less.

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